all night
fan turning
comforter between my legs
flipping back and forth
getting up to pee
walking aimlessly through the dark halls
grinning from ear to ear in the nightlight’s soft illumination
feeling flutters deep within
and feeling a bit insane
with love
infatuation or lust
(I’ll take the combo, please)
My toddler is sleeping next to me
I curl up into his arms and smell his sweet skin
his chest moves rhythmically up and down
and I latch onto his joy and calm and sweetness
to calm my inner stirrings
ground myself (try)
sleep again (its not goodbye)
just a few winks in this disastrous night
a married mama full of feelings and fright
for what have I done?
it shan’t be good
to wind up alone, knocking on wood
in hopes to reclaim all I threw away
for another reality that surely won’t stay
savannah says. 